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Old 04-09-2010, 07:00 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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I see all of your point, and I got it. Most poly people who want to stay mono for the sake of their existing relationship will simply choose to do so and make it so. For we mono people in mono/poly relationships, it's more along the lines of us not wanting to oppress our loved ones into something they can't do, so we make the change in ourselves. At least, in my case I had to let go of a lot of notions (and still have lots of work to do), and just be okay with my wife being poly and the attention and time I get being divided. I don't really have to go any further. Although I think I need to if I'll be okay with it. Attention is a huge deal for me, and if I don't get enough, I kind of wither. I'm an extrovert, and I've been spending the last year acting like an introvert. So I'll try and diversify my social bonds and make some new real-life friends, and I'll try and think about how I would deal with having multiple lovers, and see where it goes from there. I will really miss the dynamic of our old mono-style relationship. A LOT. But because I love her, I will change myself.

Besides the fact that the only real difference between the two of us in my situation is that she expects to be able to express her love for a person sexually, and I believe it's possible to love somebody and not need to do that, and be okay with them not necessarily understanding how deep the love goes.

So basically, the reason there's no poly-to-mono help stuff is because poly people tend to be more forgiving of the mono mindset, whereas the other way around, it's not so true. Although when talking with my wife about how I felt about things, the ideas I had about how mono should work disgusted her.

Anyway, I'm on my soap-box. Question answered. Thank you.
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