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Old 04-09-2010, 06:38 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
As for getting B to admit the truth? That has two factors. One, will it be the truth or just the truth as you/she/he wants to see it? And two, will it really help in any way to speed the healing process or will it just make it harder? Always remember, the truth, once set free, cannot be hidden again without undo harm.
Yeah, and that's why this is so painful, because my wife and I know that he either led us on, or is lying now. Either way, the truth was hidden, and now we're in a shitty situation, with nothing but words between us to help us cope. She is completely uninterested in even being touched normally, and she has to fight to be okay with cuddling. She just wants to withdraw completely, even from me.

And I'm left here wanting nothing other than to touch...somebody. I will settle for somebody besides her, I'm getting that desperate. I feel like I can't breathe, like not being able to touch somebody is drowning me. So I sit there, trying to help her, trying to get her to reach out, and it pains her to do so. So I want to be near her to help her feel better (lack of my presence makes it worse), but I don't get to touch her, because it hurts her. So I'm in pain too, and soon I won't have enough energy left over from fighting my demon to help her fight hers.

I'm almost willing to completely give in and let D handle this. Let her find NRE and get a boost, so that the resulting lift will leave room for me to put some supports in place, so this doesn't happen again, or at least not so badly. I'm so crushed, I'm so sad, and I'm so alone. And I feel sick again, not because I feel bad (though I do, but it's not the reason for this particular feeling), but because the one person I could count on to touch me or hold me or something can't. The one person I want to touch and hold doesn't want me to. And I don't have anybody else.

And I'm afraid that she'll get so swept up in a new relationship that she'll forget about me, and I'll be left alone trying to deal with my part of this without the help of the only person who can help. I can't be okay if I'm not touched.

Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-09-2010 at 06:43 PM.
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