While I am not feeling overly negative, I am also spending time reflecting on the most recent life changing point in my life - discovering polyamory. I have survived, emotionally I am stable, but at this point I am not confident I will find *it* again in the future. So a way for me to work through that is to remember some of my previous life lessons, that I not only survived, but walked away stronger.
I was wondering if others would want to share. Discovering poly is just another speed bump in the road...we obviously don't need to detail every change, but I have a few that really stand out
I met my first "wife" when I was 17. I was an odd kid who played football, grew up fighting in the streets, committing various crimes and generally a pain in the ass to society. I was also a socially inept d&d playing, bbs creating kid who believed he was smarter than everyone around him. This women (she was 25) captured something in me. I moved in with her, dropped out of school and got off the streets (I didn't live on the streets, I was a gang banger who lived with his parents). Catch 22...no longer fighting or breaking the law...but now a drop out.
Move forward 6 maybe 7 years and I find out she cheated on me. With both a person AND drugs. I was never jealous, letting her have her own party life (I was never interested) but then I found out she cheated...I was hurt and betrayed. I was actually more devastated that she was using drugs. I walked out of that relationship bitter and cynical towards how I perceive loyalty. Ironically, I believe now, if she had simply asked if she could have sex with someone else, I would have said yes. Walking out of this relationship I vowed a few, childish things...
1 - never commit or fall in love again
2 - never go out with a straight girl (obviously there is more to this, but I don't want to detail my entire life)
3 – Live life to the fullest…this in turn created one of my life rules “try everything once”…which has led to some fun times, and some very uncomfortable times.
I rebounded with a girl who identified as gay but really liked me. We spent 6 months high and essentially discovering our sexuality. I did a lot of experimenting and enjoying life in the moment. We fell in love, had some great times. Unfortunately we were not practicing safe sex, she got pregnant and proceeded to have an abortion without my knowledge. We split, I was in a lot of pain, but I came out of this more clear and knowing what I wanted out of life and a relationships. In turn introduced her to a female friend of mine, they are still together today. You would be shocked at how often I used to get the “she left you for a girl”… I am still surprised at how childish people are with sexuality.
Those are the ones that pop into my head. Times in my life when I thought the world was caving in around me…but survived and walked away stronger. Discovering you or your partner are poly or even non-monogamous can be a momentous discovery but is one that can come with lots of bumps in the track as it were. It wouldn’t be life without some bumps and bruises