Thread: Communication
View Single Post
Old 03-01-2014, 09:42 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130

I'm reminded of a conversation we had just today, actually. Someone started a discussion in a poly group on facebook. Long story short, it was about disclosing personal information on or before the first date. One person commented that they would be "surprised" if someone they were dating wasn't comfortable disclosing the info. Gralson read that over my shoulder and was surprised. Then he scrolled up and noticed it was a poly group, asked me if that person was poly. I confirmed and he said "ahh, that explains it."

He figured poly people would be more likely to "talk about everything" in relationships. I pointed out that this isn't a poly-thing, there are plenty of monos who also avoid dating people ("like you") who aren't expressive about their thoughts and feelings. I made it personal but he wasn't offended. I just mentioned that lots of people wouldn't have taken the time and effort to build the relationship we have with someone who's so non-communicative, because it's a lot of work.

He found that really interesting because he had never thought about the possibility that people wouldn't just put up with non-communicative partners. For me, I see it as the price of admission. And if he wasn't at all willing to work on developing those skills, that price would be too high. Because he's willing to work on it (we're even going to a week-long NVC retreat in April), I'm content to take it day by day.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote