Thread: Communication
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Old 03-01-2014, 09:36 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130

Yes. And no.

Gralson grew up in a "Don't talk about your feelings, it's weak. Don't talk about your needs, it's selfish." family. Actually, I believe the message was more along the lines of "Don't even have feelings and needs, they're not important." He's come a long way, but he'll always struggle to express himself. He understand, at least in principle, that talking about your feelings and needs is the only way to get them met. So when something's really bothering him, he'll bring it up eventually. It just might take him a week to figure out how to say it (shorter if I catch on that he's brooding and urge him to stop worrying about hurting my feelings merely by having feelings of his own).

Auto has a background in Psychology and she's naturally emotive and a talker. She's blunt and she says it how it is. She's really good at checking-in, i.e. "This is how I'm feeling. I don't expect you to change what you're doing, I just wanted you to know."

I agree that it's not entirely a male/female thing. I know lots of people who grew up in both kinds of homes and I think that has more to do with it than anything. If you learn young how to express yourself, it just comes naturally. If you don't, it's a tough skill to learn.

With Gralson, I also found that learning when to shut the fuck up went a long way towards getting him to talk more. I think out loud too, and it often overwhelms him and he retreats inside. When I repress the urge to fill in every silence and instead give him room to think and speak, he's a lot more likely to express himself.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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