And then things changed....
Hello again. Apparently the universe is listening to me again. Not a bad thing, per se, but in my experience, one must therefore be careful what one wishes for.
Not long after my intro post expressing a desire for a third person, three people contacted me expressing degrees of interest. Not from here; no one new -- all of them friends to some degree.
One, I think, wants just sexual play. He's a fine friend, but I've come to realize I don't want simple sex-play with friends. I'm trying to make that clear, but may have to bypass subtlety for the hit-them-with-a-brick clue.
The second also probably wants sex, but may be able to incorporate a deeper component into it. He's developed a bit of a history as a womanizer, but then, so did my husband prior to our marriage. Call me ambiguous there.
The third, well... that's a different kettle of fish. I've known him for many years. Contact has lessened over the years due to the vagaries of life -- his marriage and children, my marriage and children, schooling, personal and family medical issues. Life got in the way. But we determined to reconnect, and arranged schedules for a meetup. Ten years with next to no direct contact, and then we're talking like we never left off. Catching up, reminiscing, updating our stamps on our mutual nerd cards.
He knows I'm poly. He saw my first triad. Oh yeah, we have history. We loved the same girl once, but alas, not together. He is not quite my oldest friend, but close to that, however one counts it. In our our growing up together, I will say I felt attraction to him but mostly throttled it down because he was pursuing others and the friendship mattered more. He says now that there was also attraction on his side then, left mostly unpursued at the time. Could be. Retrospectively, our close bond may have disturbed the other people in our other relationships somewhat. For all our adolescence relationship-swapping (and apparently there was a lot among our friend group), he and I never connected that way at that time. Ah, a name. Call him "Jai".
So among many other things, we talked about polyamoury. Does everyone have to be involved with everyone else, he asks? Ideally, says I, but that's not how it usually works in the real world. (I have learned some from experience.) I think I differentiated between a triangle and a V.
And at the end of the first meeting, he drives me home and I invite him in to meet the husband. Call the husband "Liam". I think it went well. They both seemed to find each other acceptable, likeable.
Yes, I did make sure Liam knew all about Jai, my feelings and our past, before the first meetup. I initially considered the possibility of opening anything more than friendship with Jai a longshot, but still, a possibility. So I discussed it with Liam, prior.
So, Jai and I arrange a second meetup. Call it a date, if you want -- I'm never sure what defines those. Again, we discuss everything, including the polyship, boiling down to him asking if I'm looking for a third. Well, yes, to the extent that I can, with what limited resources are available. Can I mention that we were pretty much talking around the topic the rest of the time? Excellent conversation, but _not_ saying some things loudly until I, requiring clarity, wanted to be quite sure what we were not talking about, so we talked about it.
So, mutual attraction. What got in between us in the past isn't there now. He's not seeing anyone else; my husband likes him, and doesn't seem jealous. No expectations of a male unicorn muddying the waters.
What do I want, Jai asks, at the end of our second date? Well, now, that is the question. This is opening a box I put on a shelf years ago. What _can_ I want? I think we eliminated the second husband idea for the time being, given that he is exploring not having to take care of someone else (as a husband, son, father) as a new phenomenon right now. It would be too soon for that anyway. Boyfriend? Lover? Not Friends with Benefits; there's enough UST to cut with a knife, but neither of us is comfortable sharing bodies without a deeper bond.
He kissed me; I kissed him back. It felt really good.
I fear I'm not entirely rational anymore. I think I should find a way to be, but my head keeps swimming. I hesitate to call it NRE since we've not actually agreed to a relationship, but I think we'll be there if we can find mutual agreement on our desires.
So that's where I am now. Input? Ideas? Help?