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Old 03-01-2014, 06:34 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Now, I don't have any great desire to find another relationship. I am happy with things as they are, but it felt better knowing that it went both ways.
Gralson is very much the same. He has less than zero interest in having a romantic relationship outside our marriage. "One woman is more than enough work, thank you very much." But he likes the fact that he's able to have one, if he wanted. He especially loves rubbing it in to the guys at work that if he points out a cute girl on the street, his wife not only doesn't smack him, but also checks her out and offers a second opinion.

AM I being unreasonable in my request that she limit herself to women?
In my opinion, it's perfectly reasonable to make any request you can come up with, no matter how unfair or silly it seems either to yourself or to outsiders. The crux is: requests are not demands and making them does not oblige the requestee to agree. As long as you're comfortable with the possibility of hearing "no fracking way, are you crazy?" any request is reasonable.

The issue I see with our current arrangement is that she cannot have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex whereas I can. Is this unfair?
Strictly speaking, yes. But then, who said life is fair?

Incidentally, you don't have the power to make it so she "cannot" have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex any more than she has the power to make it so you "can." If this was something that was important to her, she'd be well within her rights to politely inform you that she's going to have a relationship with whomever the heck she wants, and you're free to take it or leave it.

Should I start trying to "get over" my feelings of discomfort with the thoughts of her with another man?
You probably have enough on your plate without preparing for every conceivable contingency. (Don't tell that to the Zombie Apocalypse bag in my car.) I fall into the camp of "deal with problems as they come up." Don't waste energy and grief solving problems that don't exist. It sounds like you're open-minded, that you and your wife have great communication, and that you're sincerely considerate of her happiness. So if it ever comes about that she's interested in men, I think you'll be able to "get over" it easier than you think.

We also discussed the mysterious Husband/Girlfriend tagalong. Turns out that my wife discussed that with her friend and the Husband thought that a weekend out of town sounded great. He asked to come along and because the NRE (yay I learned a new term!) is very strong of course he wanted to bring his GF. My wife said she really would like time with Friend before meeting DH/GF. Wife's friend says they might have dinner one night but that won't be until W&F have had a few hours to be comfortable together.
Really glad to hear she already discussed it with them. I think it wouldn't hurt to emphasize that group sex is 100% off the table and make that crystal clear before leaving town. As in, not just "we'll discuss it if it comes up" but "it won't come up so don't even suggest it." You and your wife sound honest and trusting, I would hate to see either of you get burned by another couple who may be less so. It's not uncommon for people to pull the old bait-and-switch.

It strikes me as odd that this husband needs to go on the same vacation as his wife when she's going off to meet a potential partner for the first time. As in, why don't he and his gf go to some other town? I mean sure, Gralson goes out of town for work a lot and sometimes I go on "vacation" to the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere because the trip is already paid for and it's fun to spend a weekend in a hotel. But if he was going there to meet with someone special why would I want to tag along and lurk in the shadows? I'd rather take the opportunity to go with Auto on our own special vacation. I'd be curious to see how they'd respond if your wife requested that just the woman come, without the extra baggage.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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