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Old 04-09-2010, 03:48 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 55

So there's another guy, the guy she met earlier this week, who we shall name D.

D and A talk all the time now, and it's really great. They get along great, and they share a common interest in Hapkido an Iaijutsu (the art of samurai swordsmanship), as well as a bunch of other topics.

Last night, while we were talking, she told me about a tempting offer D had made her; that she could crash at his place Friday (tonight) after work in the city, so she could more easily check out the Iaijutsu class at 09:00 Saturday (tomorrow) morning. She told me she was tempted, but initially told him no thanks.

I told her she should do it, if she's interested. She warned me that there was the slightest hint of a "hey, I might get laid" look in D's eye when he offered it and that she wasn't entirely sure if she'd say no when propositioned. Which is part of why she turned him down, because she doesn't want to risk rebounding.

We talked about it, and agree that if she keeps a close eye on the situation and on her feelings and thoughts, and she can determine, rationally, that she really wants it, and it's not just a reaction and groping for NRE, then she should feel free to take the opportunity to explore yet another decent romantic prospect.

One thing that bugs me is that she'd consider having sex with a new friend while she's hurt, but not with me, not the kind of sex that could heal us both. But whatever, I know that's completely different.

So yeah, anyway, am I telling her the right things? Should I be helping her shelter herself from rebounding, or should I trust her to be strong and say no if she realises it will only be rebounding?

Also, I should point out, *I* was a rebound relationship, while she was just getting out of a very similar situation to what she's in now. And it was around the same time last year (early March, last year, but still, Spring). Look where this rebound got her. A growing marriage that both parties want to be involved in. I'd say that's a success and a testament to how rebounding isn't necessarily destructive. Who knows, maybe A and D can go at it, and hook up, and we'll begin our poly family with him. I don't know. But the chances are good, considering the similarity of the circumstances and stuff.

So I'm rambling. Point is, did I make a good choice in offering that to her?

I know I will be very lonely tonight, sleeping by myself, and I will be very worried, and very much in pain, but it's an essential step on my road to personal recovery, for certain. If I'm ever to get used to the idea of her spending time with other men, and spending time away from me, I have to just grin and bear it, and slowly learn to be okay with it.

Should I, instead, be focussing on ways to rekindle our relationship in the shadow of this great depression? Should I be trying to find ways to synthesize NRE between my wife and me, or should I just let this go and see what happens? I really kind of just want this to happen, because I think it's the quickest and surest way to recovery, or at least feeling better in our situation, and because I can tell that part of her *really* wants it.

Am I making the right choice by encouraging her to consider staying overnight at this guy's house tonight, with the possibility of the two of them hooking up?

She has not, by the way, decided, yet, whether she is going to do it or not. I have asked her to decide by 16:00, since that's about when I'll be packing up at my job to leave and pick her up from home and take her to her job, at which point she will work, and then either go to his place, or not go to his place.
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