Thread: Communication
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:33 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587
Default Gender and Position

I don't think this topic should be reduced to a gender issue or a matter of positioning within the relationship structure. Personally I think it has very little to do with either.

If you find that you are constantly "coming up with rules and boundaries" for their approval that would suggest to me that you are not comfortable with the way things are and are attempting to salvage some sense of control through rule structure. That is how you manage your insecurities and it would seem that the problem you are having is that they don't manage their insecurities in the same way.

You wanting to talk about "the relationship" and they never seem to bring it up is a similar issue. I doubt it's because of genital plumbing. It is entirely likely that you have found yourself in two relationships with people who are not interested in discussing "the relationship" and would prefer to go with the flow unless something comes up which needs to be addressed... and then stop talking about it. They might view this "work" you are saddled with as an unnecessary exercise which would be fine if you'd just leave it alone.

These are two styles of addressing issues or potential issues within a relationship. Discussion is good, but if you find that you are the only one having the conversation that might tell you more about *you* than it does about *them*.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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