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Old 04-09-2010, 03:12 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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And so to continue the saga of high school drama that is my life right now...

I'm going to start by assigning nicknames to everyone involved now.

I'm myself. Of course.

My wife will either be my wife or A.

The guy she likes will be B.

And his girlfriend will be C.

So I've been in on pretty much all the communication between A and B. The guy VERY OBVIOUSLY is interested in being more than friends. Like, they almost say "I love you" at least once each day. They almost admit to one another how attached they are and how much they want one another each day. When she does things like visit an adult toy store, he gets all interested and asks questions. She pretends she didn't hear the question and keeps talking about other stuff, and a few minutes later, he brings up the toy store again.

The guy definitely likes her in more than a "just friends" kind of way. If nothing else, he likes her as a friend, and has separate sexual interest. Whatever.

In any case, once A started getting C to talk to her, we started having this grand idea that everything would be ok. However, once that dialogue opened up, all kinds of monkey wrenches suddenly appeared in our social workings. Things like C telling A that she had asked B to ask us if we wanted to meet up, and C telling A that B told her we didn't want to. Things like A, B, and myself hanging out at a gaming shop on Wednesday night, thinking it was just the three of us, and then yesterday (Thursday) morning, C telling A that she had asked B to ask us over to their place on Wednesday night, and saying that B had told C that we didn't want to.

Both times we were "invited" to hang out, we were never notified. It's as though B was running interference between A and C and never wanted them to have time to be okay with things together.

But now, I suspect that C is just being manipulative and trying to distance A and me from B. I feel really positive that B had nothing to do with this, and that C is just being vindictive and manipulative.

So, anyway, my wife and I had finally worked out some communication models and worked through a couple of problems yesterday morning, and we were feeling great. I saw happiness in our immediate future. I imagined coming home, the two of us going to Ikea to buy our new bedroom furniture for the new place, and us coming home and fucking like rabbits, and I know she did too, because we talked about it.

We were happy and okay, and then about 15 minutes after my wife and I had finished our discussion, while I was writing her a love letter (actually), she IMs me and tells me that shit exploded.

Right then was when C told A about the "lies" B was telling.

And then, when we confronted him about it, B told us that he never loved A, and had tried to tell A multiple times that he was monogamous, loved C, and nothing was going to change that. B told us that he had told A numerous times that he didn't love her and just liked her as a friend, and C told me that B had told her that A had replied with something to the effect of "that's ok, I don't expect it to be reciprocal."

I know for a fact he's either lying about that, or he was lying and leading her on the whole time before. And I'm really pretty positive he wasn't. I'm really pretty positive that C has been manipulating him and scaring him into dropping the issue with my wife and me. I'm pretty sure he's being emotionally abused, or something like it. Neither he nor his girlfriend have any friends in the area, and they've been here for two years. They moved here from Michicgan and have no friends. Neither of them. B is afraid of losing his only stable ground (C), and she is obviously also afraid of losing B.

And C and B now decide to tell us they're not interested in the kind of polyamorous family we had in mind, even though just days ago, they were each, individually, at least acting open to the idea.

Gods, the way I describe the situations with all the hearsay involved and stuff...it really does sound just like high school. Ugh.

So basically, now my wife and I are utterly crushed, especially my wife, since she's been putting all her energy into opening dialogue and getting nothing back and getting no help (except from me when she decided she was too tired to keep it up and needed me to take over -- she wouldn't let me handle any of it until yesterday).

So yeah, now, because somebody felt like being a dick, all the hard work my wife and I have gone through gets tossed to the side, and now I get to wait who knows how long until she has recovered before I have any chance of being able to expect something normal out of our relationship. I mean hell, I can't even see sex on the horizon. I'll be sexless for weeks, no doubt, and that pains her as much as it does me, because she relies a lot on sex too, but her sex drive is easily killed, whereas mine is still in existence, just subdued and harder to get going.

And every conversation ends up turning back to the topic of A, B, C, and me. I can be patient and helpful and help us get out of this, and I want to make it all better, but I worry about how long I can make it without basic things like happy conversation, the urge to have sex and spend time together, and the ability to have a conversation about something besides B and C and how we feel wronged by them.

My future looks bleak.

So I've talked all this over with my wife, and she and I agree that I am correct in coming to the forum for advice, and she has no resentment for it, because I talked to her about it before I talked to you about it.

So is there anything that can be done, or do we basically just have to go through a long healing process now and just accept that it's over? Should we even bother trying to get B to admit the truth?
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