Interesting turn of events and some understanding among all of us
So, a lot has happened since I posted last. I have decided for various reasons to not pursue any type of relationship/friendship with N. She was obviously much more into me than I was her and was starting to show some severe signs of jealousy whenever I would talk about my girlfriend, T. So, I had to let N know that I was not interested in pursuing anything with her at this time (even as a friendship) and I apologized that it had to be that way. She wasn't thrilled, but respects my decision.
As far as the turmoil that we had amongst ourselves (T, D and myself) it turns out there was a pretty important piece of information that was either miscommunicated or misunderstood. T and D had discussed what T's ideal poly situation would be and she expressed that she would like to eventually look at the possibility of having a "co-husband" type of relationship with me in the future. Now, exactly how that was WORDED may have been different and also part of the problem. D took it as that I was NOW a co-husband without any discussion with him prior to that deep of a decision being made. D read my blog and got the same "jist" from reading that he was now "co-husbanding" his wife with me.
I can see how this would have sent him reeling. To feel like he had no part in the discussion at all and that she would make such a decision without discussing it as a group would be very hurtful. But, after further discussion, T and D resolved the communication problem and things once again appear to be heading in the right direction for us all.
Monday (3 days ago), T, D and myself met at a restaurant to meet a gentleman who was interested in meeting the 3 of us (more interested in meeting T, but since he was driving so far and T feels strongly that any potential partners would need to meet all of us, we all met). We had a nice time, it was very comfortable (probably more comfortable than any of the previous outings with T and D). Things just felt really good. Everyone had a good vibe and it was a great evening of conversation and company.
T and I had talked about maintaining a regular schedule for our time together and she worked it out to be on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Unfortunately, since T and D had plans on Sunday afternoon, T had met up with an old friend on Sunday night, the outing on Monday and potential outing for T and D on Wednesday, it was thought best that T skip Tuesday this week in order to make sure she is home enough to not cause undue stress on their family life with their daughter.
I completely agree that her time as a parent is always more important than our time together, but I felt very conflicted about missing time with T. It was a feeling almost like I had been cheated out of time with T because she had a very busy social calendar.
T and I discussed this on the phone Tuesday and she understood how I could feel this way. (on a side note, T's daughter actually acknowledged me directly on the phone Tuesday morning!! YAY!!! Progress is being made in that area.)
T took action on this quickly and wanted to reschedule our missed time on Thursday so that we still had 2 days this week together. But, in her discussion with D, their Wednesday plans fell through and T was able to come over last night.
It was so nice to spend time with her (as it always is). We had a great dinner and spent some time at my house just relaxing and talking. I've been having some pretty severe muscle cramps in my shoulders over the past several days (mostly stress related) and T spent some time trying to massage out the kinks in my shoulders. We hung out with my daughter and talked for a while and just had a great evening.
One of the things I mentioned to T this morning as we lie in bed was that I know how I feel when I don't get to talk to her either in the morning or evening before bed. Getting that opportunity to talk to her at those times sets my day off on a good note and helps me feel relaxed and ready for bed in the evenings. I suggested to T that since I know that I feel this way, I think that in the future when she spends time with me that she should give D and their daughter that same opportunity so that there is not a feeling of 'disconnect' when she is with me. This way they don't ever feel like time with me takes away from them more than it has to.
I think that if she called D in the evening and just kind of got current on things that were going on with him and their daughter for the evening and then called in the morning to say good morning or have a discussion about things, it would feel like she's not trying to escape them or not up to date with the goings on at home.
T liked this idea and said she could do that for me since I thought it was important.
ANYHOW - That's about all there is for now. Can't wait for T to come over on Saturday, I cherish the time I am with her and I know that we are building a good solid foundation for something that can be very long lasting.