Firstly, thank you for your replies.
I can see how I was speaking in a way that perhaps presumed certain things. In my eyes our marriage is the primary relationship. Anyone else coming into the relationship from her or my side would be secondary and my wife feels the same way.
I knew the OPP (One Penis Policy) was sexist but I felt that, at least for now, I need this to protect myself emotionally while coming to terms with this new situation. As we progress through this situation, and she is with another female partner, I think that I will come to terms with the idea of her having alternate male partners and we can let that situation go. I think she accepted it simply because she is not interested in men in general at the moment and she feels satisfied with my role as the man in our relationship.
I fully realize the OPP is really about my own insecurities. I will work on my feelings about this as we move through this new facet of our relationship.
To be clear - I do not
presume that any woman she becomes involved with will want to have relations, or even like me. I would hope that we could be friends but it is not assumed. My wife is seeking companionship of a kind I cannot provide. She was simply saying that IF I needed to be involved she would seek someone specifically open to that. I fully understand (as does my wife) that any 3rd person is a person
and not simply an extra vagina. We are not looking for a Unicorn.
I would not care if my wife were to choose a strictly Lesbian alternate partner. I can understand how a lesbian would not be attracted to this sort of situation. Again we are not specifically looking for someone to be the third leg of a triad.
a word of warning. My wife and I had the same situation. What she didn't tell me was that she was interested in the husband of her girlfriend and proceeded to hide it and have secretive relationship with him until I found out and blew up at her.
Thank you for sharing that and I'm very sorry that happened with you. I hope you and your wife worked things out. I don't think that will happen here because we discussed that if she does start to become attracted to another man that we would discuss it before she went through with anything.
I anticipate that what will happen is that this husband of your wife's gf will attempt to push for a threesome or foursome since his gf is coming along. The fact that he is coming along stinks to high heaven of something weird and disrespectful.
My next opinion is on your wife's first date. How very odd that her new potential's husband AND his gf are coming along on the date weekend! What the heck? Spies? Bodyguards? Sexual stimulation for them? WHY?
This is exactly what went through my mind. My wife is looking for a special friend, not to become part of a separate quad. When she mentioned that to me I told her I found it weird. She agreed. I then mentioned that perhaps they were looking for more of a group thing and asked what she planned if it came up. She is emphatically not looking for that sort of thing and she said she does not believe they are after that sort of thing. That said she also assured me that she would not enter into something like that without discussing it with me first.
First and foremost in this - I trust my wife. If she were to say that she felt she needed to be with another man - I would go along with it and try to deal with any feelings that came up.
The fact that I am allowed the same leeway in our relationship makes this easier to swallow. I'm just not looking for anything outside our relationship atm. If something were to come up then I just want to have the same freedom.