I have zero advice, but a friend of mine is now going through a divorce with a woman who would not allow him to communicate openly and honestly about their issues, much like your wife - although their issues were different than yours. She would say things like, "when you bring this up it hurts me, why do you want to hurt me?" And he would explain that it was not his intent to hurt her, but they had issues that were hurting their marriage that needed to be resolved so they didn't end up divorcing. Her response to such was, "Don't threaten me."
In the end, she wanted to sweep their problems under the rug and pretend they didn't exist (things like her irrational temper that had him walking on eggshells - she couldn't see why her anger up issues were a problem). He couldn't continue to live that way, so after two years of trying to engage her, and two marriage counselors, he left. She never understood why. And instead of taking responsibility for her behavior, decided that he had left her for another woman - me. Funny thing is, it's been a year, and although he and I are the best of friends as we were before, we rarely see one another. (Even if we wanted to be more, he is not able to handle it yet, still healing from the break-up). Yet she clings to her hypothesis.
I share this with you because, I am not sure your wife understands the concept of incompatibility, and will probably insert some similar scenario into the mix if you do divorce.