What would you like in this relationship with Bear? To end it? For Bear to stop X behaviors? Start Y behaviors? You do not clearly articulate. I just hear general "I am unhappy with Bear behaviors" stuff.
I could guess wrong, but here's what I'm getting:
"Bear, I'm noticing a lack of consideration or regard for our relationship from you.
We used to speak almost daily. Now we do not. I'm giving you some space, so you can sort out your behavior and what it is you want in our relationship, and how much energy you want to put into it at this time.
I'm dating someone new and I have an FWB/play partner. You say you are ok with this, but your behavior indicates that you have issues with it:
- You constantly ask me which of the two I was with if I didn't talk to you today.
- You want me to compare techniques.
- Usually I get a sweet message from you on Valentine's day. This year you do not say anything until the next day and spend a great deal of time telling me what he got for every other person in his life (wife, child, mother, siblings) in a passive agressive way.
I want _______ from our relationship. I am willing to _____. I am not willing to ______. And the dealbreakers are _______.
At this time (we are / are not) compatible. "
I'm afraid that it's translating to "I like my other partners better than you."
Do you? Because to me it sounds like the other partners are easier to deal with right now than Bear.
What's so terrible about Bear knowing that his current behavior is a drag? You fear what
if he knows this? You do not articulate.
In general, it sounds like being with him costs you more effort than you get back from him. Maybe you want to break up again and stay broken up? Cuz you are not finding the relationship worth the return on your investment? Are all those reasons when you broke up with him before still reasons today
-- him concerned about your NRE/yoru other partners, issues at your work, and in his marriage? (Some of those still sound like they apply today to me from your post.)
These kinds of questions only you can answer.
So I'm sorry you struggle, but it is what it is. Only YOU can determine what you want to do next.
Without knowing your desired outcome, it's hard to give feedback to help you phrase it to him. What IS your desired outcome here?