You are not the only among us to have experienced an epic poly fail. My attempt at opening my marriage in midlife was totally with the wrong person, and we moved way too fast, and I steamrolled my husband, etc., and it went down in flames.
Let's reframe the situation: that first passionate, messy, disastrous relationship was meant to shock our systems into CHANGING. They were meant to make us reboot our relationships and ourselves and get ready for a new life.
I used the aftermath of the breakup with my lover to work on strengthening my marriage, work on my own personal issues, and to start explore non-monogamy SLOWLY. No one really special has come along so far (though I've had some fun looking
I can't wait to find the right person/people at the right time so I can use what I've learned.