Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I don't see the codependency between OP and her husband. We only have her side of the story and not his feelings and reactions. It's impossible to diagnosis a psychological condition based on hearsay. Being married to someone who has depression does not automatically make someone codependent. Neither does worrying about your wife's feelings and wanting to support her when she goes on a journey of self-discovery. Please.
Actually, snowmelt was saying that OP and the _other_ man were codependent, not OP and her husband. (I don't know enough about codependency to make a judgment.)
This reminds me a bit of my situation, getting involved with an old flame and having his wife freak out. This forum has taught me a lot about open communication and some about paying attention to red flags. My guess is that it takes quite a while (if ever) for things to really work with an old flame and a spouse who is taken by surprise. Takes a lot of work and communication.
Good luck going forward.
M - Me female, 59 - _trying_ to figure out if I'm poly
B - 56 - my husband for over 34 years
JP - 58 - my high school boyfriend, newly appeared in the picture after 38 years; very long distance; haven't actually seen him
A - 65? - JP's wife of over 30 years, who's not cool with things