I am sorry you hurt.
What I feel I'm having the most trouble with is decieding if what i felt ad feel is love and what to do now that we cannot pursue a relationship due to our hubbby's.
You could accept it as limit reached at this time.
You could decide to focus on healing from a break up. Make the choice to let it go, and then give it TIME to be let go of.
The other thing I don't know what do about is wanting a women counterpart so badly in my life that I want to find another women...but I truly don't think my husband could ever really be ok with me shareing my love.
I would suggest you stop swinging and take a "time out" to mull this over. Because if sex share leads to love share for you, and your husband is not willing to deal in love share? Don't engage in that behavior then -- sex share in swinging context. Don't set yourself up for another "Serena disappointment" at this time.
Instead? If you do want to see if husband will accept love share? You could spend the "time out" break talking these things through with him.
It could be he is monoamorous and polysexual where you are polyamorous and polysexual. He doesn't want any other love share partner but you.
But he could arrive at a place where he could accept you having love share and sex share with another partner. Not just sex share.