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Old 02-24-2014, 05:39 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,447

Originally Posted by OnTheCusp View Post
(He also tried hitting on best friend, who is married and mono. BF shut him down immediately, although M told me yesterday that he COULD get her if he wanted to. But he doesn't want to.)
This is a red flag.

Yes, he's poly. Yes, he has autonomy, meaning he's allowed to date anyone he wants... provided they are also willing.

Going around saying he could lay any woman he wants, even the monogamous married best friend, is disrespectful and gross. I assure you: if I was one of your friends, I would prove him oh-so-wrong. I don't fuck sleaze bags like that.

Those are the same kinds of people who try and convince you to stay with them because no one else will ever have you. You've voiced concern that you believe this to be the case. May I ask, who planted that seed?

Another red flag is hitting on someone when they're on a date with someone else. It's one thing if you're "one big happy poly family" and you're on a date with two of your partners at the same time, and they're both comfortable with the whole arrangement and everything. But when someone is in a budding relationship and they're trying to build a connection on a date, hitting on one of them is just inconsiderate.

Whether you cut him loose or continue to tolerate this is up to you of course, but don't expect him to change. He's shown every sign of being completely self-interested and inconsiderate. Self-agency doesn't mean you don't give a shit about how other people feel.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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