Originally Posted by nycindie
Personally, I think the idea that we are wired one way or another is crap. We have a potential for many choices and what feels right to us is formed by many elements, such as our personality, what we are taught is acceptable, familial and societal influences, and how comfortable we are with certain choices.
Do we choose our personality? If our personality reduces the choice between poly relationship or mono relationship to fulfillment or misery, then what kind of choice is it, really?
Gay people can choose to enter heterosexual relationships. That's a fact. Many people have, under pressure of family and church and state, accomplished it, even having kids and white picket fences, the whole American Dream. But making that your political platform is considered discriminatory and judgemental by the entire LGBT movement.
Poly-inclined people can choose to enter monogamous relationships. Mono-inclined people can choose to enter poly relationships. I don't deny this either. Hyper-sexual people can choose to enter asexual relationships.
But all of these choices come with the consequence of being miserable and unfulfilled. So saying it's a choice, knowing that one of the options will make these people miserable, is empty at best.
You can say that forming those relationships is a choice, and I don't disagree. But what motivates the choice? At some level, these choices are reduced to "fulfilled or miserable" and then the concept choice is rather meaningless.
Think of the people raised in societies where polyandry is part of the culture, such as the Na of China. Culturally it is taught to them that having multiple partners is a-okay. Just because the majority of people in that culture live that way, does it mean they are wired for only poly? Does it mean that no one in their culture ever desires monogamy? Would saying that a Na person has the capacity to be monogamous insulting to their cultural identity that promotes and encourages having multiple relationships? I don't think so.
The Na are not polyandrous. Polyandry is a form of marriage. They've rejected the entire concept of marriage, monogamous or otherwise. But regardless, the answer is yes: forming a marriage and being monogamous would absolutely insult their cultural identity, just as many people on this forum feel shame and guilt for being unable to feel fulfilled within the type of relationship dictated by our monogamous society.