I agree that getting your mental health under control before dating other people is a good idea. At the very least, you would need to date people who truly understand mental health issues. Few people do.
For example, Auto is bipolar. If not for the fact that my mother is severely bipolar and I spent 25 years living with it, I would never understand half the stuff Auto does. Even with my now 31 years experience as the daughter of a bipolar person, I'll never truly understand what it's like. I just know how to recognize their episodes, and I know not to take things too seriously when they're in the middle of a mania. If they start freaking out, I offer support and compassion, but I don't take what they say personally or as expressions of their true selves.
I don't see the codependency between OP and her husband. We only have her side of the story and not his feelings and reactions. It's impossible to diagnosis a psychological condition based on hearsay. Being married to someone who has depression does not automatically make someone codependent. Neither does worrying about your wife's feelings and wanting to support her when she goes on a journey of self-discovery. Please.
In regards to whether you're a manipulator, we don't really have the right info say. You said you freaked out a lot and got upset over things, often when you didn't get your way. So it's possible. But manipulation often comes down to specific wording and tone of voice. The same feelings and needs can be expressed as manipulation or as compassionate requests. Without being there or having a log of the chat, it's difficult to say.
... Then again, chances are, if you believe you're being manipulative, then you probably were. If someone accuses you of being manipulative, then it's definitely worth taking the time to analyse your interactions and find out what made them think that and how you can interact differently to avoid leaving people feeling manipulated. Even if you didn't intend to be manipulative, there could be certain phrases that you use that inadvertently trigger these responses.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker