Originally Posted by fuchka
Another reason why the rough times don't annoy me, could be that they're a signficant help for me to understand my own needs. MeeraReed, perhaps you have more clarity about what you need or want in partners or lovers. I'm still figuring a lot of things out. I find it easier to learn by doing. Oh sure, I read to learn, too. And share stories. And think about things. But mostly I just do it. Jump in, flail about, choke on water, clutch at vegetation, pull myself out, shake off, dry myself in the sun, laugh to myself and think "ok, what the fuck happened there? What have we learnt today, fuchka?"
No, I definitely don't have more clarity about what I want or need in partners
I tend to flail about mentally while not actually doing
anything. I've had one lover-friend for the past two years (since I became consciously non-monogamous and solo poly). It's going very well, he dates plenty of others, I get plenty of time alone and the dynamic works excellently for us. I would like to find more connections in my life, but I'm not actively looking for a new partner because I'm not sure what sort of person or relationship would be right for me at this time, if any.
Lately I've been wondering if I'm using my own self-sufficiency as an excuse to avoid dating others. I am delighted by how encouraging and non-jealous my lover-friend is, but I have a lot of internal fears (mostly from a previous relationship) about ending up in a relationship with someone who struggles with my autonomy and my non-monogamy. It seems very common for people--good, caring, reasonable people--to still struggle with those things. So I'm avoiding dating instead.
I find it very thought-provoking to read the blogs here. Thanks for your response.