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Old 02-23-2014, 08:46 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,401

Codependent not the opposite of independent. Codependency is a psychological condition wherein people have a need to be controlled by others. They're the "people pleasers" who put all the needs of others above any of their own, often to the extent of doing themselves harm. It's something undesirable in any relationship: platonic, romantic (mono or poly), or professional. I believe the term you're looking for is interdependency, wherein two people are dependent on one another.

The risk of heartbreak in a particular relationship is no greater in polyamory than monoamory. We love more people, but we don't love them any less. People who are prone to heartbreak, either by falling very hard very fast or else by having a tendency to fuck up their relationships, are just as likely to have their hearts broken in monogamous relationships as poly ones.

One advantage of polyamory is that when you break up with one partner, your other partners will still be there to remind you that you're not a failure as a human being, that your'e still loved, and that one lost relationship does not equate to an inability to form healthy relationships.

I myself do happen to be independent, but I think that has nothing to do with being polyamorous. Auto is fiercely dependent, she gets very attached very quickly and her heart breaks whenever any relationship ends. Zoffee and Cue are both dependent personality types, as well.

Rather than putting up barriers, what I notice more with polyamorous people is that they work hard to understand why they feel certain things, and they learn how to cope with those feelings in healthy ways rather than avoiding them by shutting down certain possibilities that might lead to icky feelings. People who are unable to learn how to cope with feelings of jealousy often give up trying to be polyamorous and just learn to ignore their desires.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-23-2014 at 08:49 PM.
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