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Old 02-22-2014, 04:16 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

I don't really get it? As in, I understand what you are saying but I don't know why you or anyone else would be disrespected.

It is unrealistic for you to expect to control the who's and how in people he sees. Him being interested in your husbands gf is almost ironic. You're non-monogamous. So what, both hubby and bf can date her. Its up to her to decide if she is interested either way. Not you and not hubby.

Unless your friends are monogamous and he isn't respecting those boundaries. Thats very different than you simply trying to control his dating pool.

Now.. maybe him fostering a relationship without keeping you up to date is rude. But I don't know your rules or boundaries. We generally try to keep ourselves updated if there is "something" there. That way there is no bomb.

But we, and our friends interdate.. in fact more poly communities (as in large groups of poly and poly friendly people, NOT a cult like setup) have a lot of intermixing. Hard to avoid when you are all supposed to be open.

There are like what: a bajillion people in the world?
That are poly in your area? Really?.. I live in an extremely poly friendly province/city and it still isn't common enough to start eliminating possible relationships due to friendships of my partners.

Ok I liken this to monogamous people who try to limit who I can flirt with. The whole ex-gf, sisters etc set of lameass rules. I disliked and over time learned to hate these rules. These were girls I spent time with, got to know and fostered friendships, flirting then fucking.. limiting based on some unknown bond that is supposed to exclude me.. well I ended up walking away from those friendships..

-he didn't exactly say he'd fuck one of my friends just because he can. He said that sooner or later, he would end up fucking one of my friends. He also stated that he could get my BF, if he really wanted to, but doesn't go after people just to prove a point. Big of him.
So that is disrespectful. Not to you but to the people he is treating as objects. That reads like he is a bit of a dick.

And yet, because I am weak, I don't want to drop him. I kind of just want to never introduce him to anybody ever again.
Sounds like you need to build up your confidence. You aren't weak. Maybe you see a lack of balance between what he is getting and you are getting. I am not sure. Maybe you are happier in a close poly "thing" and he won't be. That's a big difference in relationship styles.

Can either of you move towards the middle to meet, and if not, what is that consequence?
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