First the book is awesome. I tell people all of the time, Polynerdist suggested it to my husband. I read it-it is a GOOD BOOK.
IF you aren't happy in your life-read the book or FIND SOMEONE TO READ IT TO YOU!
Second, some quotes:
"our emotions are translated into attitudes, thus becoming assets or liabilities. We use our emotions to help us apply our knowledge or to keep us stuck."
"If a person's attitude is negative when facing a predicament, if he doesn't wish to be bothered with the situation, if it intimidates him, if he characteristically backs away from problems, it matters little how much knowledge he has. Negative attitudes are likely to result in maladaptive responses rather than creatively adaptive ones. Attitudes determine how a person uses his knowledge to solve problems."
"Many people undermine their own creativity-and their own happiness-by overplanning or by being negative. They thwart their ability to meet new experiences effectively. In fact, they may actively fight a change-resist it at every turn. Often their own greatest battle is with themselves; they resist their own growth and personal development. This as we shall see, limits their ability to be creative and also deprives them of joy."
"They lean on others to do their thinking for them."
"Or they adopt passive, helpless responses, even physical limitations, that prevent them from making fuitful choices and actions."
"They may get more pleasure out of complaining than out of mastering their situation."
"Our ability to change and adapt successfully to life's pressures and problems lies within us, not with a strong other. Our inner resources help us confront outer circumstances in a uniquely competent way.Our creative adaptive response comes from developing this inner set of resources, and this development stirs in us a state of being in which fear-although experienced-is not debilitating."
"Each of us has the choice to interpret a life event in a way that either builds our strength and self-respect or undermines it."
"In an effort to build a model of adaptive effectiveness, one researcher (Caplan, 1964) defined seven characteristics of people with effective coping behaviors in many different life changes and crises. According to Caplan, such people
Assertively explore the reality issues they face and maintain energetic, active search for information that will help solve the problem;
Freely express positive and negative feelings and tolerate their own frustrations;
Are active in invoking help from others, asking for assistance and support when they need it;
Break problems down into manageable bits and then work through them one at a time;
Are continually aware of their own fatigue level, and monitor their anxiety (or tendency toward disorganization) by pacing themselves;
Are flexible and willing to change, and demonstrate active mastery of their feelings whenever possible, while accepting the inevitable when they must;
Trust themselves and others and have an undergirding optimism about themselves and their future. (This final trait is, like the others, evidence that their self-esteem is high.)
(that means people with these traits are able to deal with whatever life gives them and still find happiness. It also means if you are not happy you probably need to work on THESE traits in yourself and if you do-that will solve most of your problem, so stop focusing on what your partner is doing-and start working on your SELF-esteem)
"...positive self-valuation, resourceful learning and drive towards autonomy. I call these "skills" because attitudes, ideas and abilities are tools, quite plastic and malleable. They can be encouraged, developed, strengthened, altered, enhanced and put to use to benefit life. The strength of these skills governs the extent to which we dignify our lives.
These skills nurture both happiness and creative problem-solvin
ositive self-valuation, learning resourcefulness, and the growth toward autonomy. These three fully intertwined clusters are mutually supportive and synergistic. I call these "clusters" because within each skill area are embodied groupings of many traits, all necessary to activate the skill in us. Each cluster overlaps the others. As any one skill area develops, all become strengthened; the strength of eah determines the strength of the whole. The more we develop each of these skills, the greater our chances of dealign creatively with challenge whil also maintaining a healthy, positive outlook on life."
"Not suprisingly, this development is linked substantively to our perception that, despite difficulty, life is "worth it." "