Originally Posted by NewNTex
Thanks for all the advice. I think you are right GalaGirl. I really appreciate you breaking it down for me. I was fearful of how badly she treated me the first time I asked to slow down so I was tying to avoid putting back on me but I now see that if I can weather the storm, this is probably the best course.
I am really wanting to get hew away from "R" now because I have found out that she has told him the level of discord and pain him making himself available to her is causing and he basically said "I'll always be here for you - you are the one I care about". He is toxic to my relationship and is not poly. He just wants to insert himself (no pun intended) as an affair partner, not as my metamore.
Thanks again to everyone here for the support and helping me get some perspective.
I hate to be the devil's advocate here but I'm going to turn the tables on you a little bit. Another way to look at it is that you have become toxic to the relationship or that she has become toxic to the relationship. Think about it. These are two people that want to love each other. A third party is telling them no you can't love each other and you can't be with each other, not even a little bit because it makes me feel yucky. I realize that this sort of behavior is acceptable because society has told us that it is acceptable for spouses to behave this way but when I write it out like that it makes it seem very childish doesn't it? Keep in mind that this is not just your relationship but it is also hers. Its like two children who share a ball. The minute one of the children decide they don't like how the ball is played with and want to go home is when the game is over. I have empathy for you as I have been in the same position. I am sorry if i seemed overly logical and callous but it is the truth.