Originally Posted by fuchka
Wanting one-on-one time and being able to achieve one-on-one time can, unfortunately, be different things. Adding more people can certainly put pressure on each person's capacity to achieve their desires in this respect.
Some of the fear around this could stem from an awareness of this pressure, too. I think that's fair enough, and something to watch.
Really glad you're finding your way through the dense emotions around this issue, Mya! It's interesting how other things (like your experiences with Noah) can unlock parts of it for you, too.
Thanks again for commenting, fuchka, I really do appreciate it.
I see where you're coming from, but I think that is not the point I was worried about. Since I'm not particularly worried about rory or Hank having other partners besides me, it's not the amount of time itself that I'm thinking about. It's more the quality of the time we do have. The arrangements we have at the moment leave both of them quite a bit of time outside their relationship with me. So if they decided to use that time to spend it with other people, including with each other, that is not the problem. It was more that if they wanted to spend the time in a group that used to be spent one-on-one. But I'm not worried about it anymore, it doesn't seem to be what any of us want.
In general, I feel like I've come to a place with this whole thing where I'm ok. I'm ok in the sense that this is as far as I can process it without it actually being an existing situation. And I'm confident that I could deal with the rest if it ever came to existence. So we're all good in that front.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Hank, Dahlia and Fay
Metamours: Eddie (Dahlia's long-term partner)
Living with Hank, Dahlia, Eddie and rory (my ex/friend)