It is very important to have time for each dyad, you and your bf, you and her, her and the guy. There is no reason for all 3 to share space constantly. And there is no rule that all 3 need to sleep together in one bed! You could take turns sharing a bed, you and him, her and him. Even just you and her, if you want to share sleep even if you're not sharing sex.
Also, each person needs their alone time, "me time," as well!
Any experienced poly person will tell you, communication is EVERYTHING. The fact that neither of your partners will talk about boundaries, schedules, etc., is very concerning.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37