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Old 02-19-2014, 02:18 AM
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phantazmagoria phantazmagoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 39
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I'm not exactly sure where my jealousy/anger/competitiveness is coming from - that is something I've been soul-searching since day one. I thought my self esteem was pretty good, but feeling these feelings indicate something is going on, and I am in therapy for it. And I've come a very long way. I'm proud of my journey.

I bit more info for you .. we are a triad - all dating each other. She is my girlfriend individually, as well as his girlfriend individually, and him and I are married (15 years), and then we have a relationship with all three of us.

I love the idea of finding an activity or creative endeavor that only him and I share - besides sex and watching TV. I'm definitely going to explore that more. Thank you for that idea!!

I am very satisfied with our sex life. He has a higher drive than me (and she does too) so I have struggled with feeling like a "loser" because my drive is lower - even though rationally I can tell myself there isn't anything wrong with me. We usually have sex 2 or 3 times a week - and it's good sex - and after being together for 15 years, I'm pretty proud of that.

I feel competitiveness with her, thinking she's prettier, better lover, more adventurous than me, smarter than me ... blah blah blah. It gets really exhausting actually!

I also have thoughts that she likes him better than me, but I'm trying to put them to rest as well. Her and I try to have some sort of intimacy/sexual date night/alone time at least once a week.

I struggle with compersion - a term I just learned tonight. On a rational level, I'm super happy for them and their relationship. On a irrational (more selfish level), I feel jealous, anger, etc.

At any rate, I didn't mean to "vomit" my current situation ... But I have learned that coming to this forum tends to make me feel better. Reading like minded people's stories is somewhat comforting. I'm grateful for this outlet.

Thanks!

Last edited by phantazmagoria; 02-19-2014 at 02:21 AM.
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