I'm not exactly sure where my jealousy/anger/competitiveness is coming from - that is something I've been soul-searching since day one. I thought my self esteem was pretty good, but feeling these feelings indicate something is going on, and I am in therapy for it.
And I've come a very long way. I'm proud of my journey.
I bit more info for you .. we are a triad - all dating each other. She is my girlfriend individually, as well as his girlfriend individually, and him and I are married (15 years), and then we have a relationship with all three of us.
I love the idea of finding an activity or creative endeavor that only him and I share - besides sex and watching TV. I'm definitely going to explore that more. Thank you for that idea!!
I am very satisfied with our sex life. He has a higher drive than me (and she does too) so I have struggled with feeling like a "loser" because my drive is lower - even though rationally I can tell myself there isn't anything wrong with me. We usually have sex 2 or 3 times a week - and it's good sex - and after being together for 15 years, I'm pretty proud of that.
I feel competitiveness with her, thinking she's prettier, better lover, more adventurous than me, smarter than me ... blah blah blah. It gets really exhausting actually!
I also have thoughts that she likes him better than me, but I'm trying to put them to rest as well. Her and I try to have some sort of intimacy/sexual date night/alone time at least once a week.
I struggle with compersion - a term I just learned tonight. On a rational level, I'm super happy for them and their relationship. On a irrational (more selfish level), I feel jealous, anger, etc.
At any rate, I didn't mean to "vomit" my current situation ... But I have learned that coming to this forum tends to make me feel better. Reading like minded people's stories is somewhat comforting. I'm grateful for this outlet.