Ok, so I am in a similar situation.
However, your "number 3" alone is enough to KNOW this will not work. Really? He doesn't let his wife and he wants to? Double standard/hypocrite. And the threesome thing?
I read over and over here that poly works when there is exhaustive communication and all parties agree on everything.
ALSO... 7 kids?!?!?
Maybe she just wants to get out of the house. Can you invest in a babysitter instead?
Man, I can hardly handle 3 kids!
In my situation, we're going REALLLY slow. We have boundaries now for dates and no new prospects are allowed in for a few years.
If this will work for me, I need my poly wife to move at a snail's pace. AND she can only consider people who are amazing communicators and not douche bags like this guy sounds like.
Tough situation man! I can surely sympathize.
You want to just stuff that cat back in the bag when it was just she and you... but you never will be able to.
I read this forum so I can understand the minds of people like my wife. It surely helps as many people are very nice and honest here. However, I am finding it hard to ever, ever want to go there myself. The more I read, the more I am CERTAIN I never want two lovers at the same time. In no way judging poly people... just ain't my gig.