I totally agree with all of you. And I do plan to stop. It's my issue. I have been conditioned to put others before myself. And my husband really is not the best go between. I think my husband might be pushing us in a triad, which we don't want....there might be the difficulty. If I say, well, can you clean up and leave us dinner before you spend the night there...he hems and haws and says "She feels like a booty call" or "she wants more time."
What I'm hearing from you guys is that it's a problem in my marriage. It's also a problem with me getting up in her business, right? I guess you're saying she's blameless and if he tells me, she wants me over earlier, I need to say, that's not my problem and I don't want to hear it.