Originally Posted by bofish
I'm not sure I was clear, I'm not expecting her to do those things. I was saying that at least an acknowledgement that I do them -- for both of them- - would be empathetic. Polyin practice - I think there's a huge difference between asking someone to babysit and wishing someone who send you an email saying 'Hey thanks for leaving with the kid for 2 days so we can have the house...let me buy you a drink?"
I sound like a whinny victim! Yea - I would totally be willing to eli her and have many times (listed below). This isn't really about her. It's about ME learning not to think too much about what is right for others and ask for what I need.
I'm in a weird position. Since, I tend to be an overly conscious person, I often out her feeling into the mix - I take my son out of town (in part) so they can spend more time together. I offered to delay a trip so he could help her move. I tell him to go visit her when she's sick. But what I'm not experiencing is reciprocal or doesn't feel that way. So, I've just decided to forget about all that and just put myself first, which I think is healthy and reasonable.
I think separate is fine. But that means that th3e person involved with both of us is the one who needs to consider our needs. I shouldn't even be aware of what her needs are - let alone try to meet them, right?
An acknowledgement would be empathetic, but not necessary. I like what you said about it being about YOU not thinking too much about her; you really don't have to. He does, as the "person who is involved with all three of you."
Trust me, I get it. I would make time and effort for my metamour, with no reciprocation. I got mad. But my partner reminded me that, hey, if she isn't nice or considerate to you, that's her right (he didn't like it, either, but he took care of it on his end). He encouraged me to get less emotionally involved with her; it was hard, but I'm getting better at it. I really hope you're able to do the same for yourself!