Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:32 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 912

Good afternoon! Happy Sunday and the warmest of greetings!

The annual SL-A anniversary hols was nothing shy of perfection. We arrived in Bali on Thursday morning before 6 AM, so we literally had the entire day to do whatever our hearts desired. It felt strange to not have a single child with us. Our oldest was at year 9 camp, and our two youngest had to attend school. My in-laws offered to help Nanny J, and we happily accepted the offer. I know they are in good hands. I suppose I have grown accustomed to seeing them every day, and this is the first time in months that there has been a break of sorts.

Day one: we arrived at the resort, and we were granted early check-in. The resort arranged for some spa treatments to alleviate any jet-lag. It was very relaxing to spend time at the spa with my DH. We talked, laughed, and just enjoyed one another. We agreed to disconnect from technology with the exception of contacting our children or their caregivers. Smart move.

DH arranged for a candlelight dinner, which consisted of a multiple course dinner on the pool. The pool was covered with rose petals and had floating candles. As an added perk, there was a string quartet softly playing. It was extremely romantic, and it was a lovely pre-Valentine's Day dinner.

Over dessert, he presented me a handwritten letter, and it brought me to tears. He must have tapped into every emotion he had because it detailed all of his highs, lows, private struggles, and innermost thoughts over the past year. The best gift is one that no amount of money can buy: him letting me in and trusting me again.

In a totally unscripted moment, we did something we have not done in a lifetime: slow danced. The simple things are what my heart beats for. He was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. He had me blushing like a brand new virgin. There was something about the way he was holding me and looking into my eyes. The way he looked at me was like I was the only woman alive in the world for him. Inexplicable feeling.

The night did not end there. I took a bubble bath and had a glass of champagne. We took our time, and it was worth it. The fire in his fingertips. The softness of his lips brushing against my skin. The way he admired my body. He loves my body, and for once, I did not feel the need to cover up. I wanted him to see and have all of me. We cuddled after, and I fell asleep in his arms with the sound of his heart beating in my ear. There was nowhere else I would rather have been that right there with him.

Day two: V-Day morning started with breakfast in bed. We did some sightseeing, but it was relatively low-key. Friday is our weekly date night, so I did the same things I do every Friday. I went to a hair salon, got a mani/pedi, and had my make-up professionally done. I chose to wear a dress that was his favourite colour, and I wore my signature fragrance to tease him. We went on a sunset cruise. We just had drinks and hors d'oeuvres. Dinner consisted of seven courses with wine pairings. I worked with the chef to create the menu, and it was a smashing success. DH appreciated all of the little touches and my effort.

Day three: DH generally handles the anniversary festivities. I let him have free reign. In a surprise move, we changed resorts. He would not tell me any information. We ended up about an hour away from the original resort. We stayed in a villa separate from the resort. We had brekky, lunch, and he left me alone around 4, so that we could get ready for the evening. I had no idea what he was up to, but I figured it was a Matt original.

This anniversary was the start of something new. Not only did he propose with a new engagement ring, we formally renewed our vows and exchanged new wedding rings. My anniversary gift to him was a new wedding band because I disliked what the old one symbolised. Something about him being one of two when I gave him that had really been weighing on my mind and bothering me recently. Everytime I saw his hand, it stirred up some odd feelings internally. I am "retiring" my original bridal trio and wearing the new trio that was given to me last night. Out with the old. Proudly ushering in the new.

Day four: My brother and his wife are in Bangkok due to his job. I have not seen him in a few months, and since we were just a few hours away by flight, we decided to come here. Sadly, we are jetting out a bit after midnight. We miss our children, and we have upcoming commitments that require our attention at home. As wonderful as this getaway has been, home is where the heart is. We will be back home tomorrow afternoon.


I am debating about writing a post about my ex, but I am not sure about that. As I briefly remarked, there is healing that needs to occur, but where do you start? I have often wondered if I should apologise. Then, I wonder, "What would I apologise for exactly?" The situation with her is unresolved and incomplete. I think what that story needs is closure or a rewrite. This is a strange place to be in. It was not all bad with her, which is why I feel compelled at moments to forgive her and give her a second chance to be a better friend than she was girlfriend. I accept that she is human and flawed. I even miss her friendship at times. It is literally positive thought, negative x 10, and backing away from any possibility of her ever being in my life again. That is the cycle. How do I break that cycle? In the coming weeks/months, I will be working out and hopefully resolving the feelings and thoughts surrounding Si.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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