Thread: Dating Safety
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Old 02-15-2014, 08:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I don't have a car for anyone to walk me to, but I usually say goodbye on a corner and not in front of my apartment building. Sometimes it's not even the corner of the street I live on, but a few blocks away. Or I will stop in front of a doorman building and say goodbye there, and go inside and tell the doorman, "Just let me talk to you for a minute until my date leaves." I have two 24-hour doorman buildings on my block and a 24-hour parking garage that I can always go to if it feels unsafe to walk to where I live.

I've had the experience of a guy saying, "Let me walk you to your door," but I don't recall too many times when anyone pressed the issue after telling them it wasn't necessary. Sometimes I say I need to stop at a store before going home. Since I live in NYC, there is usually someplace nearby I can go to even when it's late (there is a 24-hour drugstore in my nabe, and most of the delis are open 24 hours, too). One guy did get insistent in a charming sort of way, when I was feeling sort of lonely and desperate, and so I relented - and regretted it. I wasn't assaulted - I did want to make out with him, but the experience turned into an unpleasant and aggressive groping in my apartment building entrance hall, and he kept asking me to let him come upstairs to my apartment. I told him to go, and felt like shit afterwards.

If I am meeting someone in an area not near where I live, they usually just walk me to a subway station entrance or bus stop. None of that ever really stops us from kissing if we want to (I have no problem with PDAs).

There have been a few times I brought someone home after a first date, if we've spent a long time together, but that is just what I'm used to from my younger dating days. I haven't done that in a very long while - seemed to happen mostly if I'm a little tipsy. I try not to have more than two cocktails on a first date from the internet. If someone I know fixes me up with somebody, I tend to let my guard down a bit.

If I am conversing with anyone from OKCupid, I tell them that I want to get a feel for who they are first before meeting, and I do want a phone call beforehand. I don't often ask for someone's full contact information before meeting, simply because I don't really have anyone to tell it to and ask to watch out for me. So, since I really am on my own out there, I started being more cautious than I used to be.

During one date I was on, the guy said, "I know most women have a friend secretly sitting at the bar nearby watching out for them on a first date with someone they don't know, and I totally understand." I was like, "Really?" That never would've occurred to me.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-15-2014 at 08:12 PM.
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