You are right, there is no magic wand.
BUT there are ways to alleviate those issues.
There are HEALTHY ways to alleviate those issues.
Trying to make someone else change who they are in order to make ourselves feel better is never healthy (even in monogomous relationships).
Have you ever read any of the articles on xeromag.com?
There are a few that might be helpful to you... if you go to that website, then click on "polyamory" then read them all, seriously. There are articles about jealousy on there that REALLY helped out Maca in dealing with exactly what you are talking about.
Do you read books? (some people loathe it that's why I ask)
"Love As Thou Wilt"