My sexual insecurity (a little graphic)
This is a really hard thing for me to open up about, but I feel like there's a lot of great people on these boards, so I'm coming to you for help.
What I'm writing about isn't in relation to one particular partner, but about my own reaction to sex.
About 8 months ago, I divorced my wife of 14 years for many reasons. One of the problems in our marriage was that for the first 8 years of marriage, she'd been lying about having orgasms - as in she'd had NONE for all that time. Now I didn't get angry or penalize her in any way for this. In fact, I worked hard on the issue while attempting to make sure she didn't feel self-conscious about it.
As a result, today, I'm still very self-conscious about whether I've brought my partner to orgasm. Even when all the signs are there: extreme wetness, internal vaginal convulsions, erect nipples, engorged clitoris, flushness, etc. etc. etc.
I realize that a vital part of sex in a relationship (as opposed to casual sex) is the honesty and intimacy that means you can talk about anything.
Last night a partner and I had sex and it was fantastic. *SEMI-GRAPHIC. NSFW. WARNING*
She'd gotten a little tipsy and initiated things. We roleplayed a new scenario that we both enjoyed and there was a return to a bit of light bondage that we'd both been missing. Throughout the event I made sure to listen to what she wanted and take direction as given in addition to delivering what I've learned she really likes. Not to get too graphic, but there was a lot of foreplay, much manual stimulation, then oral. After what could have been 5 or 15 minutes of oral (I don't watch a clock during sex lol) she came really hard. Afterwards she laid back in release and bliss, though her face was one of being completely wiped. Not a smile on her face as much as just wiped. Touching her more yielded that her body was way too sensitive all over.
Penetration wasn't in the cards because she had just finished having a herpes outbreak and felt kind of raw, so instead she suggested I get myself off while she bent over and showed me her honeypot. In the middle of things I reached up and played with her again, finding her clit totally engorged and everything super wet. Playing with her again resulted in orgasm for her and after that one for me too.
I say all that just to say that even with all the external indicators, I'm having trust issues with believing that my partner isn't faking. Normally after we have sex we talk about things, but this time we didn't. Again, that's fine. You don't always want to do a post-mortem to over-analyze, but it's usually more of a "whoa. yeah. that rocked." and her telling me how many times she came, what we both liked and what we didn't. Apparently I do hold the record, according to her, for making her cum the most number of times in one session. Not that it's a competition. (this isn't bragging. it's me trying to re-assure myself)
I'm babbling now. I know I should just believe this person that I love, but my marriage has left me with lots of doubt. In day-to-day life, I'm a very outgoing, confident person. And sexually I am too. But yet lingering doubts persist.
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.
Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
Last edited by vanquish; 02-13-2014 at 05:48 PM.