I dated my ex for two years back I high school. We broke up when I went to college but continued to sleep together for about four years when we were both single. He is a good friend and has met both of my partners and like them a lot. He is married and in a monogamous relationship. His wife actively dislikes me.
I donít blame her she is monogamous and Iím in love with her husband. And he is in love with me. It happens. My ex and I have a bad history of destroying each others relationships but this stopped when I started dating my boyfriend and came out to him as poly. I have been really respectful to his marriage and his wife. I donít see him much because he lives across the country. But recently I was near him and we spent the weekend hanging out with my girlfriend.
It was amazing and connective and wonderful. I had missed him more then I had realized. I didnít push for anything sexual (like I said this was a bad habit but neither of us have crossed that line since he started dating his wife almost 5 years ago) he thanked me for respecting his boundaries. He told me he was having a rough time (his wife is long distance as well)
We talked and laughed and had a great time. I asked him if we could see each other more than once a year. He was all for it. We did talk about sex, he told me that he was sacred I would push for sex because he wasnít sure if he would have said no. He told me that he thought someday we would be sexual again. He told me about his wife saying he could be more intimate with other people while he is on the road (he tours about six months a year) He told me he is still in love with me. I told him I still loved him. All the while talking about respecting relationships.
And we did touch a lot. He tours with a bunch of men and is starved for touch. It wasnít anything overtly sexual. We held hands and held each other. At one point I just touched him for awhile while we were talking. He got an erection so I stopped.
After he left I got a phone call from him telling me we couldnít talk for awhile. That his wife was really upset and he offered to not have contact with me, that it wasnít a forever thing. I was sad but okay with it. I want his relationship to be happy and healthy even if it means I canít be a part of his life even as a friend.
This is the part where I feel like Iím lying to myself. Because my ex and I are friends but the love and the sex is always between us and I donít think itís fair to his wife. But I do miss him and I hate not being able to talk to him after reconnecting.
Lately heís been calling my boyfriend to talk about stuff (they donít know each other to well but they do like each other) His hard time isnít getting easier or if it is it's happening very slowly. I want him to be happy. I want his marriage to work. And I want him in my life. I feel so selfish. And Iím trying not to buy into disliking his wife because she doesnít like me. Iím trying not to mentally blame her for his unhappiness. Iím trying to keep perspective.
Anyone have some words of wisdom?