Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
The solution was in defining what our poly meant. We both want the same thing but I was incapable of seeing any future because I couldn't communicate my own needs to give myself to it. I felt selfish in voicing what I wanted to determine how our future would look. A future that involved security within the poly community.
I'm not sure if it's part of social conditioning of males, or perhaps the monogmous scripts, but I think I came across a similar difficulty in communications, and feelings of selfishness in asking for things which would conventionally be regarded as wrong. My wife and I are usually really good at communication, but in this case it took a lot more effort to push the conversation outside the normal comfort zone...but sometimes I guess that's where it needs to go.
WRT the poly community, I'm wondering what you mean by security ...
Anyways, it sounds like things are working for you...which is fantastic. It sounds like you were able to find a common frame of reference to build a shared vision of what you want. It's almost like some threads on this board are producing tangible benefits.
(btw...did anyone else see Mono refer to poly in the possessive?)