Originally Posted by JacksonCage
Wow. This really helps me personally. I have a lot of respect for D for facing you. I need to do that same. I feel exactly like D does in relation to my wife's bf. I have no interest in even exchanging a text with the guy. However, if he could just "get" where I am coming from without my wife's filter, I think that would help he and I. Cool. Thanks man!
I'm glad it helped you, but I think that in my situation that this was a very negative thing for me. (As it may be for your wife's BF)
No one wants to feel like they are simply tolerated. As a secondary partner, you want to feel valued by all metamours. It's not a good feeling to be told that someone "doesn't care" about your feelings or happiness. Just because you are separating the relationships doesn't mean it should be done in this manner.
If I was in D's spot and felt the way he did at this time, I think I would have handled the situation differently. I believe that I could have respectfully said, "I'm glad that you are really enjoying this relationship and so is my wife. I just wanted to let you know, however, that my main focus is on my wife's happiness. It's not that I don't care about your feelings, but ultimately, my relationship is with her and not you."
I feel that this would come off as being much less disrespectful as what was said to me. I think it is all in how the message is conveyed. (But, I'm still glad it helped you and I hope things work out well in your situation)