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Old 02-13-2014, 02:11 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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"More Committed".

I am not more committed, I may have more commitments.
Instead of bulking them all under "to my husband" lets give them each their own specifications. (helps keep it clear what is or isn't couple privilege)

1) relationship to husband (Maca).
2) commitment to joint child responsibility.
3) Commitment to joint financial obligations (mortgage, vehicle loans etc)
4) Commitment to extended family members.
5) commitment to pets.

I share all of those with Maca, but I am INDIVIDUALLY committed to them. Meaning, that while we have both made a commitment to the same things (or people), we each have that commitment EVEN IF WE WERE TO DIVORCE.

Therefore-they aren't pertinent to our relationship commitment itself.

Likewise with boyfriend (GG) I have commitments.

1) relationship to boyfriend (GG)
2) commitment to joint child responsibilities
3) Commitment to joint financial obligations (credit card)
4) commitment to extended family members.
5) commitment to pets. (albeit Scrappy had to be put down, so this ended over the holidays)

We may have DIFFERENT commitments that are shared, even different number of shared commitments. But those aren't really relevant to the commitment to the RELATIONSHIP with each partner.

(and I don't see them as primary secondary either).

Just to mix things up:

20 years with bf
15 years with husband
1 child pre-either of them
1 child with husband
1 child with bf

so even the length of relationship and the children together can't be placed in one relationship or the other in our case.
But even if they were (and at one time I did have no children with GG)-the reality is that the father of my child(ren) is a commitment to co-parent, which is SEPARATE from the commitment as a wife.
Easily noted when realizing that I am not married or dating the father of my oldest child. We DO still have a commitment to co-parent. We also have a commitment to co-grandparent our grandsons. We do NOT have a dating relationship of any kind. But-the fact that our commitment to co-parent has extended 23 years, doesn't make it PRIMARY over my other commitments.....
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