View Single Post
Old 02-12-2014, 05:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,086

What pops out to me seems to be that she might have agreed to participate in a polyship she is not on board with. To me "not sure" is less than "joyous yes." So it counts as "no" if it is time to make the final call. Cannot be on the fence forever.

If someone does not really want to be here any other question after that becomes moot. You can certainly ask things of her. Like she could ask things of you. But if she doesn't want to be here... Why be here asking stuff about how you want to be here together?

If she wanted to try it on to help her decide... Try it on for how long before making the final call so people can get off the fence and moved forward? That does not sound like it was established.

I think you both could revisit that fundamental before coming to address additional agreements on how metamours fit or do not fit in your lives and how much, if many interaction there will be.

Was it a case of avoidy gone wrong?

First her not wanting to experience break up feelings so went went along with the poly shipping to avoid that.

And now she has a polyship shape she does not want. But cannot admit that because then she has to own that she was less than honest about wanting to be here. Gotta avoid that.

She still does not not to break up with you and experience break up feelings. Still avoiding that.

But she does not want you to break up with her for her less than honest behavior because then she experiences break up feelings. Gotta avoid that.

So she continues to just do nothing while going against her own grain in hopes the the other one goes away by magic? Then she is free of the polyship shape she does not want. You deal with any break up feelings, not her. And she does not have to reveal or own she was less than honest at the start?

Is that what this is? You could ask her if that is the logic here.

I could be totally wrong, but just another angle to consider. It is not kind to rush her if it is about needing time.

But it is also not kind to let her keep on this way either if that is what you have on your hands... Not wanting to even be here but not wanting to be the guy to pull the plug either stuff.

That is no foundation for a healthy polyship if one of the players is loathe to be there.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-12-2014 at 06:10 AM.
Reply With Quote