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Old 02-12-2014, 01:21 AM
Wyrdkiss's Avatar
Wyrdkiss Wyrdkiss is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 18
Default Is this a fair request of my primary ...

This is a poly-theory question on approach and responsibilties of all individuals involved.

My primary partner (F) is struggling to get past her fears I will fall in love with someone else [also F] and I (Male) wiIll leave the primary relationship. that is her base fear.

As a result, she doesn't feel she can handle talking to my play partner / secondary at this time.
She knows we care for one another, but it is new (three weeks in).

My "secondary" (we both dislike that term) is getting uncomfortable, and may bail due to our new to this and shaky, odd, possibly determinental situation.

You see, my primary wants to support me, but she and I together do not know the answer to this:

IS MY PRIMARY PARTNER "on board" with us being open if she refuses to write to or meet my secondary (my secondary, F, has reached out and offered to meet her).

Is she crippling us unconsciously? When offered to meet my secondary, She says she, "can't be that adult about it right now." Does that mean she cannot be even in an open relationship?
Is it totally unfair of me to request my primary write her and offer some kind of connection, some reassurance of approval and awareness, however minimal?

She feels pressured by my suggestion that it is her half of the responsibility and commitment for us to truly give this a go. I feel a lack of consideraton and committment from her regarding out lifestyle agreement, and I may lose my secondary because of it.

Does my primary have the right to be herself in this, doing it her own way, or does she need to put on her big girl pants and step up, reach out, and aknowledge my secondary kindly?

Thoughts? who can relate to either side?

Complex question, thanks for looking

Last edited by Wyrdkiss; 02-12-2014 at 01:26 AM.
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