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Old 02-11-2014, 06:16 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by illflyaway View Post
I still feel committed to my husband and want to make things work
Originally Posted by illflyaway View Post
. . . I'm really unhappy in the marriage . . . living in a monogamous marriage with him kind of feels like a prison sentence.
These two statements are rather incongruous with each other. If you are so unhappy and feel like his prisoner, what is the reason you still feel committed to him? There is nothing noble or upstanding in keeping a commitment for the commitment's sake. The commitment to a marriage or to stand by another person requires both people to be equally invested in it. It doesn't sound like he is, so why are you?

Now, being committed to your own satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment is a much better and more productive commitment to make. That is an inside job and can happen independent of who else is in your life.

Originally Posted by illflyaway View Post
How do I make this work?
I don't think it can (it couldn't for me), but... what is the "this" you want to work? Be specific about what you want and need to feel happy and fulfilled. This relationship with your husband may have run its course and maybe now you need to look at the commitment you made and see that it is not going to produce the results you want - especially if your partner is absent in his commitment to making it work as well.

If you tell a partner what you need in order to feel that he is stepping up as a partner to you, and he refuses to do it, the message he is sending is clear - he is unwilling to be a true partner to you. Now, if he comes back and renegotiates, saying he can't give him what you want but will do this-and-that instead, at least he is saying he still want s to be a partner but feels what you ask is unreasonable. If you can negotiate in good faith, and he holds up his agreement, whatever it is, maybe there is hope.

HOWEVER (and this is a big, glaring however)...
Do you believe he assaulted this woman or was it a false allegation? If you think he did assault her and might possibly assault another woman, why the hell would you want to still be with someone capable of that? Why try and make it work with someone so angry, damaged, and in need of exerting his power over women, that he would do such a thing to someone against her will? Do you think it's sane and rational thinking, to stick by someone like that, especially when you are so unhappy? He is not your last hope for happiness, believe me!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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