I Want to Date but Don't Want My Husband to Date
A woman pressed charges against my husband for sexual assault, but she quickly dropped the charges. I wasn't dating anyone else at the time, and I insisted that he not sleep with anyone else without going through therapy or I'd leave. He refuses to go to therapy. I still feel committed to my husband and want to make things work, but I'm really unhappy in the marriage.
I recently fell in love with a woman, and I know she has feelings towards me. We haven't acted on them. I know some people make poly-mono relationships work, but I worry it will destroy a relationship since I'll leave if he also sees other people (unless he decides to go through therapy and the therapist approves). I feel like I can't give permission: What if he assaults another woman? I'd feel responsible. I feel a lot of guilt about the first one. I knew from my own experiences that he had problems with consent, and in retrospect, I could see it coming.
On the other hand, living in a monogamous marriage with him kind of feels like a prison sentence.
How do I make this work?