This is how I approach it within myself. I ask myself these questions. Am I in love with these people? Do I desire to develop deeper connections with them? Are we all able to be open and honest about our thoughts and feelings? Do we all respect and trust one another? If my answer is "no" to any of these, then I begin to focus on how to develop things so that this is what I have. It takes the focus off of me not being perfect and gives me a goal....something to work on......like right now I am working on earning the trust of Holland. She is Charle's primary lover and I am his secondary. She didn't choose polyamory, but has just fallen into it. She vacilates between loving me and being mad at me. So, gradually and with patience, I have to earn her trust....by showing her (not just telling her) that "It's okay" and "I'm not a threat to you" "I'm not trying to take Charles away from you" etc. It's a process. Be kind to yourself !!
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.