Originally Posted by seakinganswers
I could go on and on but I will jump to the point of my post. I have been married for 15 years. I love my wife, but we got married far too young and we both really pretended to be people we were not. Especially because we were stanch Christians and any ideas of the poly or swinging(I realize they are different but I would actually want both in a perfect world) lifestyle would have been sinful thoughts I shoved out if my mind. She had secrets of her own and we both had horrible communication skills.
This sounds very familiar
. It was my husband that cheated. Your wife's reactions actually sound pretty normal to me, to someone who has not gained her trust back. I remember those feelings, and even years later, something small can bring back all those super intense feelings of betrayal (like being hit by a freight train). Unfortunately, many times the feelings are completely out of proportion to the actual incident. This will take time to heal and I'm talking years, not months and it may not even start until you guys can figure out how to repair the marriage.
When everything came to ahead for us, I was in the middle of my "I don't want anything to do with Christianity" stage, but I did consent to go to a Christian counselor because I knew I could get my husband to agree. We got lucky, because she actually worked on our issues, mainly communication and religion or faith really never came into it. Stay away from counseling by pastors or other church lay-persons, go with those with an actual degree and that are licensed to practice. If it will get her in the door to talk about how to improve your marriage, even someone who is not entirely poly friendly can help with some of the foundations.
Thanks for the advice everybody. My wife would probably appreciate if I went out of my way to find a counselor and set something up.
If this is the case, get on the phone and do it! I waited until 20+ years of marriage and I was ready to file for divorce and now I wish I had done it many many years ago. It will NOT get fixed overnight, lets face it you have 15 years of resentments and horrible communication to overcome, it will take time.
There is a lot of good information under the Golden Nuggets section.