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Old 02-10-2014, 08:10 PM
bofish bofish is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 221
Default Update

I haven't written much. I was a little turned off by the site after I got the private message from the "Custodian" making all kinds of weird assumptions.

I don't have a "loveless" marriage, That's for sure. I do at this point have a sexless marriage!

I went back on Cupid and I met a few guys I'm interested in. Most of them are poly. I want to go out with some of these guys and built a friendship first. I find that most 'dating" in my case means that you are going to meet and see if you want to "fuck." It is also interesting not disclosing my disability on my profile. i have written a lot about not being treated like a "regular woman" because I'm disabled. For many men, they are just completÚly dismissive of me. It was been very enlightening to present myself as abled and see how hostile and disgusting men are to women.

I've come out of my depression for the most part. The things I wrote about before remain consistent but it is slowly changing.

1. My husband's Gf - When we started, we thought that is could be a somewhat equal relationship with three way giving and communication. The issue remains that this is not what she wants. She wants my husband entirely separate from his home life, not to be integrated into "our" or "his" life. OK, here is the thing I continue to wrestle with: He has Saturday night allotted to stay at her house. He works Mon, Wed, Thurs, night and all day Sunday. When he goes to her house he is often gone for 24 hours. Right or Wrong, with our house and child, this is just too much for me.

What I have learned? I blame this all on the two of them. I don't like her,. Am jealous of her freedom, bla bla BLA. BUT what I have learned is that the issue is ME. I have been trained my entire life to put the needs of others over myself. And I do this all the time. The Gf has very strong boundaries about what she will and won't do. She has never (to my knowledge) made any concessions for me and rarely does for my husband. It is up to ME to make my needs met. So, I decided to tell him that with his work schedule a fixed night a week won't work. I asked that the night be moved around to accommodate our schedule a little more. He agreed. I also asked him not to make me feel bad because she's being ignored and so on. I know this isn't poly ideal... but their relationship seems to function more like a friendship with sex...I don't know.

Is anyone in a similar situation where someone is at work all the time and then has set night. What are your responsibilities to a lover who wants to be totally on the side?
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