Hey everyone, an update!
First of all thank you for the replies. However this went in the complete OPPOSITE direction of where I wanted it to.
I think because of the way I wrote and worded my topic, people started assuming my SO/lover/boyfriend is a bad individual who is mooching off of me.
This is NOT what I wanted, at all. I was in no way trying to get this message across.
If anything he typically puts others before himself. He also is certainly NOT mooching me for my money. When I said I spent 22k since he has been here, it was just me venting over how much I have lost since he has been here. I am not regretful for it. He already spent a ton of money and sold a lot of his valuables to come here, so that makes up for it in more ways than one. Having him here was always just enough for me. I did not like spending that much money, but I was ok with it as long as he loved me and was here.
Also, you guys also seem to get the misrepresentation that he just wants his cake and pie too, when this is also not the case. He loves both me and her equally, and yes he is poly. When reading similar stories on here on people that are poly, he certainly fits the bill: he is a person that has the capability to love multiple people. I am sure if he could he would want more than just me and her, but for him me and her is enough.
I am the one with the problem - I am mono at heart and mind, and I cannot change that part of me. I have tried accepting it. Thinking about it, even going as far as to join this forum for advice. But I did not want a bash fest on him or myself. I think the way I worded my initial topic had everyone confused that he was this bad person. Which I guess since the way I vented, it came across that way - and that is my fault. For this I apologize.
He is a great man. Stubborn at times but a great person. He does not want to hurt me, or her, but he also did not want to choose between me and her. He asked me to keep quiet about it because he felt it was something all 3 of us needed to discuss. It has just been hard holding it all in, which is why it resulted in the rant on here.
Also, yes he has been looking for jobs. It was my FEARS that made me doubt he wasn't. He was using his personal laptop to find jobs. Now he uses mine since his laptop is pretty much FUBAR'd. There were days he went out to walk around and look for jobs even if it was hot as heck or cold outside, and he would try to find a job to no avail. He also does not have a car to get around. He sold that awhile ago to help pay off bills him and his best friend had.
The whole reason I posted this is I wanted advice - from perhaps other people who were in mono and poly relationships. He is a good person. I just constantly felt the guilt of me being the mono in the relationship and him being poly. The other girl is mono for the most part, but she was willing to accept a poly relationship because she knows me (we are good friends). She would not have been okay with it otherwise.
However, I WAS finally able to talk to both him and her about it, where I just vented everything of how I felt and spoke with them, and they also vented to me their fears, feelings about the situation, etc. In the end he decided he just wants to be with me. Though I am still not certain if I am happy with his decision. :I I can see the hurt in his eyes that he still wishes he could have her in his life as more than just a friend, and this kills me inside. I do not want him restricting himself to keep me around because he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me.
I should be happy, right...? But in the end it is just killing me inside, because now I feel the guilt because he felt he had to make a decision. I hate it.... D: I sometimes wish I could just be poly so I could accept it. I am just a different type of person - if I am dating someone, I want them to myself and myself only. And if I start to fall in love with someone else, usually I fall OUT of love with the person I am dating at the time. It is just how I am and am wired, I guess... and sometimes I wish I could be wired differently so I can make all of them happy. But it also kills me inside if he would be with me and her, it would be eating away at me.
While yes, he did chose me, I still feel like he only did it because he wanted to keep me around and not lose me. He wants to make all of us happy but sacrifices someone else he loves to appeal to that, as well as not being able to be with both people he loves. D: