Originally Posted by PolyinPractice
But what's so wrong with the kids being used to seeing friends of their parents come in and out? What's so wrong with kids seeing their dad bring over a female friend? I get that in a monogamous household, the wife would get super jealous. But the KIDS don't get jealous.
Auto and I have had a lot of talks about this, since she's got kids and they're quite fond of me and Cue (and Bookie).
Her stance is that people come and go. That's life. Sooner or later, you have to learn that relationships end, and it's not the end of the world. She views teaching this lesson as part of her role as parent. That doesn't mean she deliberately brings people in just to break their hearts or something. She just doesn't treat them like porcelain dolls.
It's not like this is a uniquely poly issue. Friends, teachers, co-workers, neighbours, even family... There are no guarantees that anyone will be there tomorrow. Just ask my mom, whose sister just died for no apparent reason, with no warning, was healthy and active, just died in her sleep one night.
To me, it all falls under the "You can't protect your kids from life" umbrella. If you teach kids how to deal with disappointment when they're young and resilient, they become more adept at handling it when it "really counts."
I'll also mention that early in our relationship, probably before I even met the kids, she made it epically clear that they had more than enough parents and that other partners will not have any kind of parental role. To the kids, we're friends. They know about our romances, but our relationship to the kids is no different than that of a family friend.