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Old 02-10-2014, 05:07 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by seakinganswers View Post
And I don't think dropping a bomb that I am not monogamy inclined breaks any vows to her any more than saying I was gay would break a vow to her. When I cheated on her I broke our vows. I find a huge distinction there. But obviously y'all are more experienced at this stuff than I am. And I'm certainly understanding of the fact that this will all take time for her to process.
I didn't mean it breaks the vows, I meant it affects the trust. She has a need to trust that you won't cheat on her. Telling her that you don't feel monogamous does not help build that trust. Again, trust isn't all about honesty.

Chances are, she never got over the cheating and never fully regained the trust. As long as she could believe it was a mistake and that you really have eyes only for her, she could tell herself that it wouldn't happen again. But now all of that disappears. You're asking her to trust that you won't cheat again, even though you're telling her outright that you'd like to have sex and relationships outside your marriage if you could.

Originally Posted by seakinganswers View Post
How does one go about finding a "poly-friendly" counselor?
The simplest way is to get out the phone book or reviews webpage for your area, and start calling them. Ask specifically "Are you accepting and supportive of polyamorous lifestyles?" If they don't know what you're talking about, or if they express negativity, then cross them off the list. Some local poly groups also maintain lists of poly-friendly health practitioners, including doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, etc.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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