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Old 02-09-2014, 04:33 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,853

Glad it is helpful.

If he is not able to come to you respectfully to discuss changing wants or needs, changing limits or boundaries, or changing relationship shapes up front? Could examine why he is not able to do this behavior -- talking openly and honestly with his spouse.
  • What blocks his willingness?
  • What blocks his ability?
  • Do you help create a safe environment for him to approach you in?

Those are intrapersonal and interpersonal skills -- people either work to grow them or not. Merely changing from monoship to polyship shape just adds players to the mix. Doesn't address the lacking skills or behaviors for relationships to remain healthy and harmonious. Doesn't address damaged trust.

If his skills are poor right now and his behaviors are poor right now, they aren't going to "magically improve" just by changing the shape of the relationship to a polyship shape.

If you both are able to renegotiate marriage agreements so he can stick to them because his need for connection/adult interaction is being met and you can be willing to rebuild trust in his ability to stick to new agreements, great. Whether that comes in a monoship or polyship shape is up to you all.

If monoshipping is a hard limit for you, accept limit reached. Disband the marriage and figure out how to love each other as friends and exes rather than staying in a thing that no longer works for both of you and having that frustration erode love you do have with resentments.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-09-2014 at 04:39 PM.
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